The Old Men of Tujunga

There's a Cafe on Tujunga which chronicles my years,

There's a clutch of wonderful wise old men that meet there every morning for coffee and talk about life. They are so full of knowledge and they are generous in the giving. You can't lie to them, they can read your eyes and see right through you.

They can know more about you than you do yourself. It's my turn again to sit amongst them and hear their morning tales before I go to work. Just by my being there, they figure out what's going on and the remedy of logic materializes daily on that table. I know to be quiet and listen, and to learn.

Slaps on the back and heart felt laughter as they may heckle you and that warm peace comes once more. Nothing can hurt you here, pain is far away in these moments, but it waits.

I've become inspired to look back on my own life and remember fantastical things. My success in the film industry which isn't as faded as I imagined. My personal artistic creations. My musical endeavors. Things that I conceived and actually built under sanction. What I see in my mind's eye.

Also the young soldier I once was that journeyed through distant lands with too much responsibility and all the changes I saw happening there.

I talked to those old men overseas as well, whenever I could sneak away from my unit. I was a known pseudo anthropologist full of curiosity and perhaps a future Sufi in training.

I've never taken another man's life, but I've seen it done by others. I wonder how they feel now. I think we all may have actually met the Devil out there and we made our choices in life.

I sometimes wonder if God has been there guiding me all along with whatever plan he has. Dare I say he? Maybe he's a woman, maybe no gender at all. I can't really say who he is, but I think he's answered me before. I can't quite explain it, but trust me. ;-)

I'll lay the odds that this current transformation that grips me will be a better one, a better version of Erik to come. I'm not old yet, but I'm also not in my 20's anymore. I need to figure certain things out before I do get older.

At the same time I've had some former loves come back into my life to guide me through all this. Some almost loves are there too. I guess things aren't that bad, I do know love and it finds me within and from them. I'm actually being stimulated on many levels by them and that has kept me pure. Logic additionally keeps me away from the decadence of this city.

I'm going on tangents of thought away from the old men I've mentioned prior. In a metaphorical sense their very breath is an opiate that puts me into philosophical mode.

You get to peek inside my mind in these moments when I drift, but you'll never fully understand me. I'll never let you unless you've stood by my side for a very long time.

Something amazing is happening. It seems that someone had to go and mention me in his documentary and when this happened some studio executives started wondering whatever happened to that young upcoming artist that was always in the press?

I've started getting these calls and e-mails from people in the industry who want to see my current reel and paintings. I have been here before, but it's been a few years.

I'm seeing that the odds are coming back in my favor and that I'll be getting some better gigs. I'll have to confront and deal with some Draconian egos who promote failure whenever they are able, but I can open a serious can of "Whoop Ass" when need be. I don't like to be F'ed with in this industry. I made my own platform back in the 90s' with a few close friends that to this day stay in touch. We made our own game with integrity.

It's just like playing poker, you need to stay consistent on the one right way of playing the game. You must remain what you are and eventually the law of averages will happily embrace you.

I wonder if I'll ever become a happy old man way in the future passing on these lessons to future generations.

I've got a lot of work to do in the meantime and lots more to accomplish before I can even contemplate that. I owe the professors and mentors that put up with all of my shit in the past. I can be so damn rebellious at times, it's just that fight within me when I see BS.

God I hope I'll get old and that I'll have my arm around one good woman that took the journey along side with me.

For now I'm back to being a struggling artist and drinking coffee with the old men of Tujunga.